There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize