ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
