Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
