I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
