at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
