Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
