Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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