you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
