it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
