Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
