By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
