Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
