Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize