I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
