There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
