she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
operation harelip BJ is a go
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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