I think I won the penis lottery.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
