What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish I only lived at night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
