You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
