the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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