So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
