Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
