Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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