He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
