Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
