You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
