Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
