thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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