WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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