You just made me feel so damn special
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
