addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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