My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
