I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
