guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
