I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize