I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
