i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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