I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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