I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The adults are the big ones right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
