dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
