He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
