Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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