I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize