White coat. Heels.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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