He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's blow job season.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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