just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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