we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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