I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
