Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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