R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
