i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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