I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
