We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
