Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
