I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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