I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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