It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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