I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
