turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
