When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
