I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
