she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
