david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
