I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize