i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
