i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
