I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
