I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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