there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
