I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
