new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Randomize
