Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
