I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
