Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
did you get engaged???
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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