Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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