It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
