You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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