i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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