I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
