wrigley field is MILF paradise
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
