At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
