So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
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