Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize