The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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