Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
